Friday, January 2, 2009

Bottle It Up

If I had one wish for the new year, it would be the ability to bottle up my kids, just the way they are right now, and hold on to it forever.

I've said this before, with Liam. Each and every stage he has gone through has been amazing. Not better than the last, but awe inspiring in it's own right. But, it slips away so easily. Transitioning to the next stage without warning, silently in the night. I realize more than ever, now that Quin has joined the family, just how easy it is to forget. Not because I want to, but because life demands it.

No amount of pictures, video or even writing will allow me to hold on to them, in this moment, forever. I know that. Their unique little mannerisms, their sly little faces, their touch, their smell, the funny and adorable things they do everyday, it all just fades away into the new chapter.

Don't get me wrong, I love to watch them grow up. And I know that a year from now, I'll have the same sentiments about that stage. The pattern repeats itself. But, I want to be able to remember each stage just the way I experienced it, at that moment. Revel in it, take myself back to that time, that day, that specific instant. There are just too many details, all so important, to put together the whole picture for future reminiscing.

For now, I'll write what I know about this moment. I won't get it all down, only what I can recall at this instant, but it will be something to hold on to. Not everything, but something.

Quinlan

  • I love the way you smile at me first thing in the morning. Pumping those chubby legs and arms like you are having the time of your life, because to you, seeing someone smiling back at you when you wake up is the time of your life.
  • I love how you smile with your whole body. A wiggle that starts at your head and works its way all the way down to your toes. No one means their smile more than you do.
  • I love how you scrunch your legs into your tummy, and then kick them out, back and forth.
  • I love your cry. Yes, your cry. The beginning "eh, eh, eh" when you're just revving up. To let someone, anyone know that "Hey, I'm about to cry, better fix it." I love the little screams that come at the end of a wail, the ones that say "I REALLY MEAN THIS, FIX IT!" Even though sometimes it kills me, because I know I can't fix it (we're in the car, I'm working on that bottle, I just don't have it yet, etc. etc) I want to hold on to that sound forever, because it's uniquely yours and I cherish it.
  • I love how you talk to yourself. What started out as constant (and I mean constant) grunts when we first brought you home turned into the most adorable coos, and giggles, and squeaks of happiness.
  • I love how you smell. There are few things better than the smell of your soft hair just after a bath.
  • I love that you've managed to create a bald spot on the back of your head, right above the only place on your head that didn't lose any hair. It's like a small round face with a big beard below.
  • I love wondering what color your eyes are going to be. Because at nearly 5 months old, it's still a toss up between green and brown. Currently, you have these adorable green eyes with little specks of brown all over. They change color from moment to moment, and they're just so perfect.
  • I love your chubby rolls.
  • I love how you snuggle. How you bury your face in my chest when you're sleepy. And how you could sleep that way for hours.
  • I love your tiny fingers. The way they wrap around my fingers when you've decided my thumb should be in your mouth!
  • I love your little feet. Like your brother, you have small feet, but they are so cute and round with little bitty toes poking off the top.
  • I love how you're beginning to be so aware of your surroundings. Grabbing at toys, putting things in your mouth, rolling over, watching your brother with a careful eye, these are all relatively new to you at this stage and it's amazing to watch.

Liam

  • I love the new things you come up with to say everyday. Yesterday, you told your Dad (in the middle of a tantrum) that you couldn't give him a hug, because it was "dangerous." I couldn't possibly write down every new, and hilarious thing you say, but I do try.
  • I love your stunning blue eyes. I know these won't go away, but I still wonder (almost on a daily basis!) where on earth they came from. They mesmerize me.
  • I love watching you explore your world. You are a sponge soaking up every thing you see.
  • I love debating whether or not you are going to be left handed! Your Dad and I are nearly certain that you will be. It's hard to ignore that you've eaten with your left hand since 10 months old, and that you currently paint and draw with your left hand, and kick with your left foot. I know it's a very small thing, but I love it.
  • I love how are you are trying to get a handle on this numbers thing. You'll pick up two items, and say "Look, I've got all three!" You get so frustrated if you are wrong, and you try so very hard. I know you're going to have it down very soon.
  • I love the way you bop your head sometimes when you are talking. Like you're telling yourself you agree with whatever you're telling us.
  • I love that you've finally decided you want to cuddle with Mom. We can snuggle in on the couch together and read a book or watch TV. This is a relatively new turn of events, previously you couldn't sit still long enough!
  • I love how you will suddenly remember something that happened 6 months ago. It never ceases to amaze me that you can remember that far back!
  • I love your little voice. There's just no way to describe it. And as much as I try to capture the funny things you say, it's just not the same without capturing the voice that goes with it.
  • I love finding out what you dream about. You, of course, do not yet realize you're dreaming. But sometimes you'll wake up in the night worried about the dog you saw. Just the other night you woke up crying because Quin "went up the chimney" and you wanted to go make sure he was okay. This morning, when I woke you up, you told me that you were just "Swinging with George."
  • I love watching you get excited. Sometimes it doesn't take much, but watching your face light up is the best feeling in the world.
  • I love how you come bounding down the stairs, after Daddy gives you a bath, and run straight into my arms.
  • I love that, finally, when I tell you I love you, you will respond, "I love you too, Mama."

Christmas Eve-2008

3 comments:

carmelcracker said...

Okay, that made me cry. Don't you wish there were just some way to keep it all locked up in your head, perfect and crystal clear to recall one day when they're off, busy with thier own lives?
I love reading your posts, you have a wonderful writing style!

Anonymous said...

That totally made me cry too. I wish I could express myself as well as you do. I'm sure all your words will be a great keepsake for your boys someday. I try for Lilly and Gaby but my words definately aren't this well put or moving.

- Briana

mom24boys said...

OH! Soak it all up! I miss the baby version of my older kids soooo much--they're great people now, but what I wouldn't give to hear those little voices with their big ideas again! At least we get to revel in Nick together and remember when...GREAT POST!!!