An Open Letter to my Neighbor

Since we moved into our home last December, the neighboring home has been mostly empty. Mostly because there was one creepy guy--and sometimes a woman and child--living there for about three months last winter. Our suspicions that the home was a foreclosure were confirmed in June when it hit the market at about $60,000 less than it is likely worth. But, still it sat. I guess banks don't put much effort into marketing and selling their homes.

Well sit no more. A very nice woman and her two yorkies have finally purchased the home. She seems nice enough. She probably thinks the same about us. But since we share a yard and most of our windows peer directly into the each other's home, here is an open letter to our new neighbor.

Dear nice woman with the yorkies,

So nice to have you in the neighborhood! Well, it was nicer not having anyone there at all, but I guess we'll make the most of it.

A little about us. Our dogs are crazy. No really, they're crazy. One is completely neurotic, and the other barks at nothing. Please try to ignore them when they freak out on you every time you walk by our windows. Also, try to ignore us jumping up and yelling our shouldacouldawouldas at them when they do.

Since you have dogs too, we won't apologize for the poop. Don't worry, we clean it up every Sunday and we'll probably clean up your dogs poop, too. You're welcome.

Please try to ignore our half-naked two-year-old who is potty training while simultaneously insisting every window shade in the house is open. We try to protect his privacy, but doing so has become an uphill battle, so we give up.

Your porch light isn't broken. Someone left it on a few weeks ago and it was driving us crazy, so we unscrewed it a little bit. Sorry. But on that same note, please don't leave your garage light on at night, because that also drives us crazy.

We like to spy, any home with open blinds is fodder for our curiosity, so we suggest you keep your blinds shut at night. We'd apologize for this affliction of ours, but we're pretty convinced most everyone else on the planet is the same way. Including you. We'll be sure to close our blinds at night too.

Despite all of the above, believe we're good neighbors. Because, really, we are. Afterall, you could be stuck next to those peculiar people down the street. You'll see what we mean in a few weeks.

All our best,

Your neighbors